Sexually transmitted diseases and dating
A community outreach strategist for Safe Wise acknowledged several days after the study was released that researchers inadvertently over-counted the city’s rate of sexually-transmitted diseases.“There was a miscount when adding up the STD numbers for Buffalo,” explained Sage Singleton.Data compiled by Safe Wise and High Speed Internet.com, ranked cities based on two key risk factors that researchers said are relevant to people using online dating services.The study examined STD figures, violent crime data from the FBI and Census figures for metropolitan Safe Wise determined that the safest place for singles to date online is San Antonio, Texas, followed by New York City and Portland, Oregon.Jenelle Marie Davis, 34, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, will gladly explain why having herpes isn’t the end of the world. It took years for Davis, founder of The STD Project, which encourages awareness and acceptance of various sexually transmitted diseases, and spokesperson for Positive Singles, a dating site for people with STDs, to come to terms with the diagnosis she got at age 16.“My mom says the entire way home from my appointment, I cried and said no one would ever love me, no one would ever want me, and I’d never get married,” Davis tells SELF.When she was diagnosed with herpes almost three years ago, Whitney Carlson, 29, a social media editor in Chicago, had a similar reaction.“After I felt more comfortable with myself and the situation, I went on Bumble and started dating people in the more conventional way,” she says.
“We always say ‘If something feels wrong in your gut, listen to it’,” Singleton said.“This isn’t everyone’s experience, but when I started dating with herpes, I found out none of my partners cared.”Although she sees that it’s intriguing to potentially avoid attachment—and thus heartbreak—by telling someone right out the gate, she makes an excellent point in favor of taking your time: “Nobody tells you all of the things about themselves that you usually don’t find out for a bit, like they have really bad credit or they’re a horrible cook, until you get to know each other.” Of course, it’s different with a health condition you can pass to someone else, but it’s worth noting.Although they tell potential partners at different points in the relationship, Carlson and Davis’ actual disclosure process is pretty similar.Although telling someone you’re interested in can be intimidating, there are different ways to do it, and you might find one easier than the others.In the past, Carlson would put the herpes conversation on the table quickly.
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Davis usually holds off on disclosing to potential sexual partners that she has herpes until she’s known them for a bit.